Am I Being Abused?

What Is Emotional Abuse?

Emotional abuse includes non-physical behaviors such as threats, insults, constant monitoring or checking in, excessive texting, humiliation, intimidation, isolation, or stalking.

There are many behaviors that qualify as emotional or verbal abuse, including:

• Calling you names and putting you down
• Yelling and screaming at you
• Preventing you from seeing or talking with friends and family or making you feel bad for wanting to
• Telling you what to do and wear
• Damaging your property when they are angry, such as throwing objects, punching walls, or kicking doors
• Using online communities or cell phones to control, intimidate, or humiliate you
• Blaming your actions for their abusive or unhealthy behavior
• Accusing you of cheating and often being jealous of your outside relationships
• Stalking you, following you, and showing up in places that seem out of their ordinary routine
• Telling you that they cannot live without you if you want to end the relationship
• Threatening to harm you, your pet, or people you care about
• Making you feel guilty or immature when you do not consent to sexual activity
• Threatening to expose your secrets such as your sexual orientation or immigration status
• Starting rumors about you
• Threatening to have your children taken away

Is Emotional Abuse Really Abuse?

A relationship can be unhealthy or abusive even without physical violence. Verbal abuse may not cause physical damage, but it does cause emotional pain and scarring. It can also lead to physical violence if the relationship continues on an unhealthy path.

Verbal abuse can make you start believing what your partner says. You may begin to think you are stupid, ugly, or worthless. You may agree that nobody else would ever want to be in a relationship with you. As a result, you may start to blame yourself for your partner’s abusive behavior.

Verbal abuse can have lasting effects. It can lead to low self-esteem, poor self-worth, and continual self-doubt.

Remember: emotional abuse is never your fault. In fact, your partner may be trying to maintain control and prevent you from leaving or ending the relationship.

How Do I Know If I Am Being Abused?

Do you:

• Feel afraid of your partner?
• Feel afraid of angering your partner if you say the wrong thing?
• Feel that you cannot do anything right?
• Believe that you deserve to be hurt or mistreated?
• Often wonder if you are crazy?
• Feel emotionally numb, overwhelmed, or helpless?
• Make excuses or reasons for why your partner is so mean or angry?

Does your partner:

• Humiliate or yell at you?
• Criticize you and put you down?
• Treat you so badly that you are embarrassed for all your friends or family to see?
• Ignore or put down your opinions or accomplishments?
• Blame you for their own abusive behavior?
• See you as property or a sex object, rather than as a person?

Does your partner:

• Have an unpredictable temper?
• Hurt you, or threaten to hurt or kill you?
• Threaten to take your children away or harm them?
• Threaten to or harm your pets?
• Force you to have sex?
• Destroy your belongings?

Does your partner:

• Act excessively jealous or possessive?
• Control where you go or what you do?
• Keep you from seeing your friends or family?
• Limit your access to money, the phone, or the car?
• Constantly check up on you?

If these questions feel familiar, you are not alone. Support is available, and talking with an advocate can help you think through your options and next steps.